I admit it. I am heartbroken. I find myself surrounded often by other people, distracted, staring off into nothing, not really listening to what's being said around me. I'm hearing, but hardly listening. As my eyes wander, I escape into the mess I've made inside my heart. Often I feel sadness, but just as often I feel hope. Lately, hope hasn't been showing up enough. I look at the world from a broad perspective, I feel pain and hopelessness, and that everyone's fucking everyone over. But at the same time, I look at a tiny, blue flower in the grass, and realize how much that flower makes me a better person. Life is beautiful, so why am I so sad? There are so many flowers, more flowers than there are wars!.... but still, there are wars.... Wars on our children, wars on our minds, wars on our humanity.
This burden I am holding for the world is a blessing and a curse. It is so amazing to feel such a close connection to the world, but it is so hard. To deeply feel something is beautiful and sacred, but can be painful and difficult.
I want to give everything. But I don't know what to give it to.
I think I just need to listen.
