And for wings, I pray.

I met the most amazing, beautiful couple at Sierra Hotsprings. I ventured there alone for two nights and three days, expecting nothing. And what I received was endless in its blessings. This couple, six kids and twelve grandchildren, live deep in the woods, off the grid and have been for forty years. I conversed with them both individually and together for hours. And we connected in such a deep, profound, and pure way. Me, twenty-four and them in their sixties- we will be lifelong friends, this I know. I so intentionally walk through life aiming to connect with people, animals, our creator and nature because I believe that when we connect with the wholeness of life, meaning all living things, we are made more whole. The understandings, the sharing of experiences, the knowledge and wisdoms, the love and grace that this couple and I exchanged made me feel so in touch with the truth of who I am. Let me share:

Rita, a woman of strength and virtue, a powerful mother and grandmother, a naturalist, a storyteller. Who birthed four of her children at home, one in a tent miles and miles from civilization. She blesses how fortunate she has been. Sharing with me her radical ways of mothering, not recommending I do the same at all, just sharing. I loved how aware she was of how completely countercultural her life has been, how nonjudgemental she was of me, how accepting and adoring she is of all people right where there are at and however they choose to live. She had such a relatable way of talking with me and listened to me with her heart and not her mind. Explained to me some easy meals to make for large groups of people and we exchanged our love for kale, her admitting if she were to only be able to plant one vegetable, kale it would be! I have so much respect and honor for her, and what was so striking was how much she honored me, a young, wandering soul.
Jamey, a humble, spiritual man, in touch with nature and god and self, a radical, completely transformed by his traumatic experience in Vietnam, and thus deeply passionate about Peace on Earth. With a love for people and for trees, just like me. He laughed and said I must be a hippie reincarnated! He saw in me the discoveries that I am finding on my own, things that even people who are close in my life are unable or unwilling to see or understand. We exchanged our deepest beliefs and feelings and I must say, never in my life have I felt so understood by another human being. Thank you, thank you, thank you ... we said these words to each other over thirty times. He affirmed many of my heart-stirrings, he blessed my healing process, he accepted me and respected me, like a guru.

And if I try to explain in words this connection that I made, the words will only distract you. So for all of you who read this, who may not like "hippies," who may not connect with any "spirituality," the words I choose are these: LIFE WILL SURPRISE YOU WHEN YOU ARE OPEN. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT STRANGERS WILL LOOK AT YOU AND SPEAK TO YOU AND KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF. AND WHEN THIS HAPPENS YOU WILL FEEL SO HIGH, SO LOVED, AND SO THANKFUL.

What happens in the hotsprings, stays in the hotsprings.

As I drove, winding through the evergreens into the valley of calming colors, playful birds, and resonant silence, I arrived at peace.

In a time where my mind is overwhelmed by confusion,
facing stark illusion,
where life is just reminding me
that at times it will hide from me
the very things I long to see.
In these voices of choices,
I'm trying not to cry.
Trying not to hide
the essence of these lessons.
What I placed before our Mother's feet,
the Buddha's feet,
our Savior's feet...
I vow to never cling to again.
The letting go, the cleansing,
the renewal and re-mending.
I needed touch and you gave that to me.
I needed to weep and you paved that to me.
I needed the moon and you sang that to me.
What happens in the hotsprings
stays in the hotsprings.

the only thing to fear, is fear itself.

things I'm not afraid of:
~ spiders, snakes or other "creepy" things
~ being hurt
~ math!
~ death
~ drugs
~ gangs
~ making a fool of myself
~ the truth
~ hitchhiking
~ teenagers
~ changing a poopy diaper

things I am afraid of:
~ lies
~ heights
~ landing on my neck
~ anyone landing on their neck

My little heel on a healing journey ... *sigh*

About a year ago, someone asked me a silly "if" question: "Would you rather have your hands or your feet, if you had to choose between the two?" I thought honestly about this, and decided that as much as i love drawing, writing, and playing guitar, I would definitely choose my feet because I could not live without dancing, or walking, or hiking (of course I want both). So funny, because the Universe decided to teach me that I can in fact live without those activites. And that is what slowly happened. As time went on, my heel got worse and worse, putting me in crutches and then into a walking boot, limiting my every activity. My whole life changed. I no longer could sustain working at the preschool, since I could not be on my feet all day, running around, carrying little kids. And my plan for the peace corps was quickly put on hold- leaving in March obviously couldn't happen.

So because of this injury, I have had many, many hours to just sit around in these cold, snowy winter months. And i made the most of it...my days consisting of deep Thought, meditation and prayer, yoga, playing guitar, writing songs, writing thoughts, painting, cooking ... finding ways to still live True to myself and my calling, cultivating the self.

And here I am now, EIGHT months since i have had a competant right foot. It is still ridiculously painful, but definitely improving. I am trying to not lose hope in my body. I am finally walking again, little by little.

What I am learning from all of this:

• I am not my body
• I needed to Slow Down
• music, in a whole new way
• I am not defined by what I do
• I am a strong, very strong woman
• I cannot wait TO DANCE!!!